Post by ADAM CARSON on Jul 20, 2009 3:32:38 GMT -5
CARSON , adam thomas - seventeen - billie joe armstrong
ohaithur. my name is Laurenn and i'm a girll. i found
this place through Larii and i joined because i'm cool like that.
i'm from north east England and those rules? psh, i read them twice.
want proof? lost in stereo!. oh, btw, if you wanna contact me, just
PM. oyar, i also play Courtney Scott and Joey Donnelly. now,
onto this little guy.
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youareyoungandsoami.
full name -Adam Thomas Carson.
nicknames -J.S.
age -seventeen.
date of birth -15/07/1992
school year -junior.
member grouplocal.
gender -male.
orientation -heterosexual.
play by -Billie Joe Armstrong.
canon or original? -canon.
thisiswrongbutwhoamitojudge?
height -[/size]5'6".
weight -120lbs.
tattoos and piercings -J.S has his nickname tattooed on the back of his left forearm, and the words Lost&Found;; on his upper right arm, but these tattoos were solely to piss his parents off, since he hates needles. This phobia of needles is now starting to be overcome, but he still hasn't gotten many more tattoos, since he almost passed out getting the Lost&Found;; one, and he has no piercings, because, as far as he's concerned, that's just unnecessary pain.
distinguishing features -J.S's most distinguishing feature is probably his eyes. They're a bright green, and he tends to highlight this even more by surrounding them in copious amounts of Kohl. They're definitely his favourite thing about himself, because apart from them, he sees himself as nothing but average at best. He can also probably be identified by his shock of black hair and his generally extremely pale skin, as well as the fact that he's just a little too skinny.
physical flaws -J.S is small for his age, and he's not at all well-built - he's about as far from being broad-shouldered as it's possible to get, and he's just skinny rather than toned. In addition, he trembles quite a lot lately, a side effect of the drugs he's gotten himself hooked on. His skin is too pale, and is starting to develop an almost papery quality, again the fault of the drugs. His back is also covered in scars from something he'd rather not talk about.
personal style -What does he wear? Anything he can find. "Personal style" doesn't come into J.S's vocabulary, or indeed his wardrobe, unless it's stylish now to wear ripped and battered jeans that haven't been washed in about three weeks, along with some faded t-shirt that he found on his bedroom floor. Of course, that's when he's actually in his bedroom, since more often than not he can be found crashing at friends' houses - and then his clothes go for even longer without seeing a washing machine. The one item of clothing that he actually likes is his hat, which he tends to wear whenever he's drunk and at a party.
youfeellikeheavenwhenwetouch.
likes -[/blockquote]drugs ;; alcohol ;; clubs ;; dancing with girls ;; feeling wanted ;; his hat ;; full sugar coke ;; being high ;; chocolate ;; Jimmy Armstrong ;; graffiti ;; feeling daring ;; getting away from his family ;; pissing his dad off ;; kissing ;; holding hands ;; winter ;; wrapping up warm ;; Green Day ;; listening to music ;; people who can play guitar ;; his tattoos ;; the idea of falling in love ;; knowing he can get away from his family properly in a few years ;; things that are cheap ;; rain ;; autumn ;; city lights ;; vivid dreams ;; sleeping in ;; smoking ;; crashing at friends' houses ;; being drunk ;; feeling included ;; being liked ;; certainty ;; having fun ;; singing along to songs ;; impressing people ;; having someone who cares about him.
dislikes -his family ;; his dad ;; the consequences of pissing his dad off ;; feeling unwanted ;; being told he's useless ;; not being included ;; feeling pathetic ;; being hungover ;; summer ;; being too warm ;; waking up too early ;; not having anywhere to spend the night ;; needles ;; headaches ;; throwing up ;; spiders ;; Disney bands ;; the thought of turning into his dad ;; sex for the sake of sex ;; his virginity ;; not having very much money ;; people seeing his scars ;; school ;; anyone checking up on him ;; being told what to do ;; police ;; bouncers who ask for i.d ;; not knowing what to do ;; indecision ;; adult authority figures ;; nightmares ;; being afraid ;; feeling lonely ;; losing someone he cares about ;; not being drunk ;; running out of drugs ;; the thought of change ;; being unsure about his future ;; feeling stupid ;; withdrawal.
strengths -J.S is an extremely caring person. He doesn't have a bad word to say about anybody, probably because most of the hatred in his body is directed at either his dad or himself, and he'd do anything to help out a friend who needed him.
He's also quite a fun person to be around, once you get past the clinginess and the irritating need for constant reassurance that yes, you are his friend. He's up for most things as a laugh and can be very outgoing - when he's drunk, that is. That's when he really starts to shine, because he'll dance with anybody and everybody in a club and not care how much of an idiot he makes himself look like in the process.
J.S is incredibly trustworthy. If he was told a friend's secret, he'd rather admit his own than betray their trust, and he'd do anything to help them solve their problem. He cares a lot about his friends and would go to the ends of the earth for them.
J.S's open nature actually makes him quite easy to like. People tend to want to protect him at first, and then, after he comes out of his shell a little bit, he actually becomes likeable. Never mind that he drives everyone away in the end - in the middle stages of his friendship with someone, he's actually very easy to get along with.
Despite the fact that people want to protect him, J.S doesn't realize this and wants to be the one protecting his current closest friend. He couldn't win a fight and yet he'd get himself in one if he was trying to protect somebody, and he'd do anything for his friends.
weaknesses -J.S is incredibly easily led. He's easy to influence one way or another and will tend to do anything he's told - by someone he looks up to, that is. For adult authority figures, he does his best to do the opposite of what they say to him.
J.S is also a very clingy person. This can go to the point of him becoming an utter irritation, because he'll follow someone around like a lost dog, either hero-worshipping every word they say or demanding that they be with him every hour of every day.
He's easily made jealous. Again, this is part of his clingy personality - if he sees someone he's attached himself to with other friends, he'll tend to kick off and go mad.
However, J.S has hardly any physical strength and has never won a fight in his life. This is part of the reason for his problems with his dad - he's not the son his dad wanted, because he's 'weak and pathetic', in his father's words.
J.S is also afraid of change. This can make him indecisive and quite a weak person, since he won't ever dare to step too far out of his comfort zone. Whilst he tells himself he'd do anything to get away from his family, he's unlikely to leave Boswyth now that he's made friends here - friends like Jimmy Armstrong.
Finally, J.S is nervous and paranoid. He never feels good enough for anyone and as a result he's immediately paranoid that whoever he's with would rather be with somebody else. However, as soon as he moves past this and attaches himself to them, he trusts them with everything he has and would never suspect them of stabbing him in the back, even if it was happening right in front of him. This means that he becomes blindly dependent on whoever he's latched himself onto at the moment, which leads to a great deal of problems because they eventually grow sick of him and cast him off - and J.S can't cope with that rejection.
fears -- Being left behind ;; J.S is always afraid that whoever he's friends with will get sick of him and cast him off. He never feels good enough for anyone and it's this which makes him so clingy - he doesn't want anyone to leave him.
- Things changing too much ;; when J.S gets comfortable with a situation, he'd rather stop time and just stay that way forever than ever move forwards again.
- Overdosing, or someone he cares about overdosing ;; J.S has begun to take more and more drugs, and so does everyone else around him, so he's terrified of losing either himself or someone he cares about to that.
secret -Ugh, well. It's difficult to begin on this, because my secret was caused by another secret, and that's the fact that my dad's been an absolute bastard to me for as long as I can remember. He quickly worked out that I wasn't the son he wanted, and he's been punishing me for that for the past God knows however many years. I've been told I'm worthless and useless and pathetic, which was why I started doing stuff to piss him off back home, until I eventually got brought back by the police - and that was when he beat the shit out of me. As soon as we got here, I fell in with Jimmy's crowd and started taking whatever drugs they offered me - partly to get away from the pain, but mostly just to rebel even more. But now I'm hooked, which was never supposed to happen, and I don't know what to do.
overall personality -The majority of J.S's personality is taken up by his insecurity. It's the stem of everything else - his clinginess, his paranoia, his initial shyness; it all comes from the fact that he's never once in his whole life been allowed to feel proud of himself for anything at all, and that is his dad's fault. Years and years of being constantly beaten down, both verbally and physically, have moulded him into the insecure person he is today.
However, the more likeable side to him is just how caring he is. It's obvious that he would do anything at all for his friends, since he doesn't have all that many of them and he feels like he owes everything to the ones that he does have. This can also lead to him being incredibly easy to use or manipulate, and the fact that he doesn't have a lot of fake friends is simply due to him not having much to offer - what is there to use him for? Befriending J.S merely encourages him to latch himself onto that person with everything he has, so it's useless to pretend to be his friend; he'd just end up being an irritation.
There's also a much more worrying side to J.S, however, and that's the fact that he seems like he's on the edge of hitting 'self-destruct'. He's clearly not at all well-balanced, and when he stopped taking his depression medication, things only got worse. At the moment, he's coping fine, because he has friends and he has drugs as a buffer against the things that get to him, but how lasting is that going to be? All it's going to take is one single marking event, and it'll push him over the edge completely - and who knows how he'll ever get out of the downward spiral that that will inevitably lead to?
Overall, J.S is a nice person, but he's far too needy and this ends up pushing a lot of people away. He finds it hard to let go of his jealousy and need to cling onto people, and that's where most of his problems lie. He doesn't tend to see this about himself, though - he blames his dad for every one of his issues, and as a result he doesn't tend to notice that he's pissing people off until it's far too late.
iguessformethisisenough.
hometown -Manchester, England.
father -Martin Carson, 41, business owner.
mother -Rosie Carson, 40, primary school teacher.
siblings -Alice Carson, 1, N/A.
pets -none.
history -Adam Carson was born on the fifteenth July, 1992, in a private ward of a Manchester hospital. His parents initially doted on him, since he was a boy, and all his dad had wanted was a son. For the first three years of his life, Adam was looked after by two parents who were strict but loved him, and he was happy.
Problems began in that third year, when he expressed no interest whatsoever in any of the sports his dad wanted him to watch or take part in. Deciding that he was probably just too young, things were fine until Adam turned five, and then his dad lost interest in him. Clearly, the boy wasn't going to turn out to be the sporting hero he had wanted, so he started trying for another child with his wife - when nothing had happened a year later, they went to the doctors to be told that Adam's mother probably would not be able to have anymore children.
This upset both parents, and Adam's dad in particular began to take out his frustration on his 'useless' son. He was deliberately extremely hard on him, shooting down anything that he was proud of doing and telling him he was pathetic and weak. Understandably, this upset Adam, who didn't have any idea at all what he had done wrong, and he only tried harder to make his dad proud, but all he ever got were insults at his efforts.
As the years passed, Adam stopped trying and turned himself inwards. Bitterness took over, and after watching him mope around friendlessly at school, the teachers referred him to a doctor, who gave him anti-depressants. This was when he was fourteen, and for a while things began to look up a little bit. He made friends outside of school - a gang of people who his dad hated, and for that reason Adam deliberately spent as much time as possible in their company. He started to get hit around a little bit at home, but did nothing except increase his efforts to piss off his dad, even though he was now terrified of him as well as hating him.
When he was fifteen, his mother actually fell pregnant again, and Adam was ignored - his parents didn't need him now they were going to have their little girl. He stopped taking his medication and started to be more and more rebellious, and his dad responded by venting even more anger and frustration on his son. When Adam got brought home by the police, he beat the shit out of him, leaving horrendous scars on his back. That was when his mother decided to move them down south, to Boswyth - a new start, apparently, but Adam knew it was really to get away from the shame of having the neighbours know about his trouble with the police. His dad had a branch of his business near to Boswyth, so things worked out well.
Upon arrival, Adam found himself in front of Jimmy Armstrong's gang, where he was asked his name and where he was from. Nervousness took over and he spoke too quietly for his name to be heard, but everyone heard the fact that he had been part of a gang from 'suburbia' - so that was who he became. The Jesus of Suburbia. He calls himself J.S now, and even got it tattooed on him, and he's determined to cast off Adam completely. More often than not, he finds himself crashing at friends' houses, just to escape from home. Hating his family, he's moving himself away from them completely, and they couldn't give a shit about him now they have their perfect little daughter, so it's alright. All he wants now is to find himself a girlfriend, since, as a seventeen year old boy, he's embarrassed by the fact that he's never done anything apart from kiss someone. However, there's more to it than that - J.S, (because that's who he is now), desperately needs someone to care about him and love him, because who and what else has he really got?
we'reonemistakefrombeing
together.
roleplay sample
It was 3.00am by the time he had finished putting things into words properly. Grabbing his jacket, he left the house and walked slowly to Whatsername's, by a route which took him about an hour. It was 4 o' clock in the morning by the time he arrived, and he let himself into the house by the key he still had. The first thing he saw was the shattered glass all over the hallway. He assumed that she was in bed, because it was so early in the morning, and that she had broken the pictures in a rage. He headed upstairs slowly, meaning to wake her up and tell her he had changed his mind; even though he knew it was wrong, he put her wellbeing before that of his children.
She wasn't there. The sheets were cold to the touch and he felt stirrings of worry in his heart. Slowly, he headed back downstairs, every step taking him nearer and nearer to the living room. As soon as he opened the door and saw her lying there, he knew that what he had feared was true. At once, he hurried to her side and attempted CPR, but it was useless - she was dead already. There was no pulse in her neck.
He left the house in a haze of numb shock. For once, he wasn't crying. He found a dealer who sold him a shitload of heroin for a ridiculous price, but he didn't care. He didn't need money anymore. Returning to Whatsername's side, he loaded the syringe and sank down beside her, holding her hand in one of his. She wasn't going to come back to him, so he had to follow her to wherever she had gone. She was worth dying for. His children flashed through his head, but he knew this was best for everyone, because he was going to go back to the drugs now no matter what happened, and sooner or later he was going to follow Jimmy. He felt almost calm as he realized that that would always have happened. This ending had been laid out from the moment she had come to find him. He wondered dimly if there was another J.S somewhere, in another life, who had been allowed to kick the drugs properly; who had married someone else, had another child.
Would that J.S ever find Whatsername again? Would he have a happy ending?
That was irrelevent. His story was over now. It had been from the moment she had fallen back into his arms. He might have once been addicted to heroin, but he had never been addicted to anything more than he was addicted to Whatsername. He needed her to function, and if she was gone from the world, there was no point at all him being in it anymore.
He pressed a small amount of heroin into his bloodstream, and then idly moved the needle and inserted another little bit. Death in small doses. He'd been dying like that for years now; it seemed appropriate that this final death should mirror the private suicide he had been living out since he was fifteen.
"I love you, Whatsername," he said, as the world started to go blurry. He pushed the rest of the heroin into his arm and felt himself start to fade away. Everything took on a blue edge and he lay down beside her, holding her hand and resting his head against hers. He kissed her lips one last time.
"I love you."
His heart rate increased as the overdose kicked in, and slowly his eyes closed. His hand tightened briefly on hers as his muscles tensed, and then he relaxed. Finally, finally he was at peace, and there was even a small smile on his face, because in a grey land without sun or wind, his last drug-induced hallucination, he could lay with Whatsername forever beneath the starlight sky.
He never had to let go of her hand.
She wasn't there. The sheets were cold to the touch and he felt stirrings of worry in his heart. Slowly, he headed back downstairs, every step taking him nearer and nearer to the living room. As soon as he opened the door and saw her lying there, he knew that what he had feared was true. At once, he hurried to her side and attempted CPR, but it was useless - she was dead already. There was no pulse in her neck.
He left the house in a haze of numb shock. For once, he wasn't crying. He found a dealer who sold him a shitload of heroin for a ridiculous price, but he didn't care. He didn't need money anymore. Returning to Whatsername's side, he loaded the syringe and sank down beside her, holding her hand in one of his. She wasn't going to come back to him, so he had to follow her to wherever she had gone. She was worth dying for. His children flashed through his head, but he knew this was best for everyone, because he was going to go back to the drugs now no matter what happened, and sooner or later he was going to follow Jimmy. He felt almost calm as he realized that that would always have happened. This ending had been laid out from the moment she had come to find him. He wondered dimly if there was another J.S somewhere, in another life, who had been allowed to kick the drugs properly; who had married someone else, had another child.
Would that J.S ever find Whatsername again? Would he have a happy ending?
That was irrelevent. His story was over now. It had been from the moment she had fallen back into his arms. He might have once been addicted to heroin, but he had never been addicted to anything more than he was addicted to Whatsername. He needed her to function, and if she was gone from the world, there was no point at all him being in it anymore.
He pressed a small amount of heroin into his bloodstream, and then idly moved the needle and inserted another little bit. Death in small doses. He'd been dying like that for years now; it seemed appropriate that this final death should mirror the private suicide he had been living out since he was fifteen.
"I love you, Whatsername," he said, as the world started to go blurry. He pushed the rest of the heroin into his arm and felt himself start to fade away. Everything took on a blue edge and he lay down beside her, holding her hand and resting his head against hers. He kissed her lips one last time.
"I love you."
His heart rate increased as the overdose kicked in, and slowly his eyes closed. His hand tightened briefly on hers as his muscles tensed, and then he relaxed. Finally, finally he was at peace, and there was even a small smile on his face, because in a grey land without sun or wind, his last drug-induced hallucination, he could lay with Whatsername forever beneath the starlight sky.
He never had to let go of her hand.
FASHION STATEMENT SUICIDE MADE THIS APP TEMPLATE, WHAT WHAT ?!
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